How do I radio in for backup?

The transition from first to second year volunteer is unkind in so many ways. Sure, my language is improved, my standing in the community established, my professional and personal existence secured. Especially in contrast to the green volunteers newly posted in the Adrar.

The stark difference, which should otherwise be a source of pride, provides proof of a rude transition that occurs around mid September. On arrival, I was understandably naïve, hopeful, perpetually lost and culturally clueless. Now, as a second year, I am expected to be trilingual, a professional negotiator, real estate scavenger, cartographic guru, and otherwise inexhaustible source of knowledge, advice, and patience. From freshman to senior in one fell swoop.

I cannot complain too bitterly: I love teaching in any form – transmitting experience, recounting hard-won victories, making others comfortable and happy. My altruism is ten to thirty percent selfish, but it allows me to embrace my role as mentor cum expert.

Today, however, I hit a wall of frustration, fatigue, and fear. Suddenly, I needed someone to help me and come to my rescue. I didn’t want to face today alone. I wanted to be a freshman again so I could seek the strength of someone who knew better.

Eventually, I pulled my senior self together, finished a difficult conversation, negotiated my ninth property contract, and navigated relations with my previous landlord. In the end, it was just me, no backup.

I completed these tasks successfully but wearily. Afterward, I imagined myself falling into someone, hearing a heartbeat and warm advice echoing against my cheek, feeling embraced by arms stronger than mine, getting lost in a perfect hug. In the end, though, it was just me. No backup.