sustainable enthusiasm, finally freedom

notes from field journal (becoming more personal than field)

- Keith came to visit today!! He arrived bearing gifts: mangoes, juice, candy, bread (so rare here) and more importantly a smiling mug. Every time I see him, I count my blessings: he is so motivated and encouraging, a great coordinator and friend. Keith lifted my spirits with the confession that during his stage, he too was the bouncy, excited, over-chipper volunteer that everyone loved or loved to hate. To see his enthusiasm sustained over two years is a great comfort to me. It dispels the myth that my mood is not just a mix of adrenaline and denial (a prognosis given me by a fellow PCT) but a genuine well spring of optimism. It also means that he knows what sympathy pains I have for unhappy volunteers, wanting so desperately to be joyously contagious. He endured them and survived. And so will I.

- I am now an agriculturist extraordinaire. No, no, save the applause. I was the first trainee with sprouts, three modest sprigs of cowpeas. The rain – or some other divine force? – smiled upon my wee germinating seeds, leaving me victoriously greened. Keith offered some great advice, basically, revel in my own victories and don’t stake my personal success on the attitudes of others. In other words, I am allowed to be happy, I am allowed to cheer my cowpeas, and others can do the same or not. I feel freed.