Who’s on first?

In foreign countries, language difficulties extend beyond greetings and verb conjugation. They affect (infect?) every sector of life, including names. When baptizing a male baby in Mauritania, for example, the stock is well defined. White moors have their pick from Mohammed, Sidi, Ahmed, Ely, Abdellahi, Mouktar, or any combination thereof. Mohammed ould Mouktar1, Abdellahi ould Ely Ahmed, Sidi Mohammed ould Ahmed, Mohammed ould Abdellahi, Mohammed ould Ely Mouktar, Mohammed ould Sidi Ahmed, Mohammed ould Mohammed… et cetera.

The point is, my phone rings at least twice weekly with the following conversation:

“Hello?”
“Allo. Allo.”
“Hello, who is this?”2
“Allo. So, how are you?”
“I’m fine, who is this?”
“How are you? How’s the health? Are you fine?”
“Really, I’m great. Who is this?”
“Mohammed. So, how are you? Nothing bad?”
“Mohammed. Mohammed ould who?”
“Mohammed! You don’t know me? How are you, fine?”
“Yes, yes, I’m good. Mohammed who?”
“[shock] You don’t remember me…”
pause
“Mohammed ould Mohammed. The tour guide.”
“[fatigue] Mohammed the tour guide. Right. Where did we meet?”
“Mohammed! I asked you for private English lessons at your house.”
“Mm hmm, that narrows it down. [frustration] Where did we meet?”
“So, how are you?”
“I’m fine, but…”
click.

Ps. If you like The Killers, you will enjoy Interpol. Word to the wise.

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1: where ould means son of
2: My half of the conversation is usually in French, sometimes broken Hassaniye. Their half is invariably incomprehensible, Wendy’s-drive-through Hassaniye and/or broken French.