Since when is “idealistic” pejorative?

I have been thinking more and more about development, now a near obsession sandwiched between the [insert nongovernmental organization] debacle and CBT animations. I want Sunday (due date for animations) to be more than a linguistic exercise, something beyond a test of my own technical expertise. How amazing would it be, I wonder, if our families could actually learn something?

How improbable, my rational self answers. How unnecessary, fellow volunteers answer. How idealistic, Peace Corps staff answers. Do the animation, don’t screw up your Hassaniye, don’t expect comprehension or interest on behalf of the locals.

Belatedly, I realize the animation’s purpose: a chance to screw up before animating on site. In this new knowledge, I am overcome with guilt, with unrealistic expectations. Deduction indicates that the entirety of training was for this exact purpose, combat with blanks. It fuels my nagging suspicion that Peace Corps is taking advantage of our CBT sites. True, our village benefits culturally from our presence, but from a developmental perspective, we are perpetually dangling carrots that do not exist.

Trainees practice PACA with no intention of following up on requests for technical assistance. We record their most pressing environmental concerns, but present solutions to half-interested PC staff in the theoretical safety of the Kaedi training center. My guilt would be at least marginally assuaged if we could provide them just forty minutes worth of useful information in the pedagogical format of animations.

I suppose my hope, my silent plea is that the trainees vi Sabualla one, care enough to prepare a quality presentation, and two, muster the linguistic capacity to deliver something comprehensible. Even if we only live here for two more weeks, our animations might be longer lived, inshallah.